The Picard Maneuver

Hey!! That’s not the Picard Maneuver!

I was going to make a post about how much I loved you for creating this, but now I see you have it alllll wrong. I wonder if I can forgive you..

However, I’m sure you know the correct maneuver, so I suppose I still love you.

To those who don’t know,

From http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/Picard_Maneuver :

The Picard Maneuver was a battle tactic invented by Starfleet Captain Jean-Luc Picard. In 2355, Picard was in command of the USS Stargazer when it was attacked by an unknown alien vessel, later determined to be of Ferengi origin.

During the engagement which came to be known as the Battle of Maxia, the Stargazer, which was holding station several million kilometers away from its adversary, suddenly accelerated to warp 9 directly towards the Ferengi ship. Because the enemy was only equipped with light speed sensors, they had no way of knowing that the Stargazer had moved until it was too late. When the light from the newly-moved ship reached the Ferengi ship’s sensors, the light from its previous position was still arriving, so the Ferengis saw two Stargazers. Even if they had figured out that the new image was the genuine one in time, it would have been too late, as the Stargazer opened fire as soon as it dropped out of warp, and the Ferengi ship had no time to manoeuvre out of the way before the phasers and photon torpedoes hit. The Ferengi ship was destroyed. This technique was so successful that it was named after Picard, and there was no known defense against it until 2364.

In 2364, Lieutenant Commander Data calculated the only known defense to the Picard Maneuver, by scanning for gaseous displacement as an indicator for when the Stargazer had moved. This defense was used when Picard attempted to use the Picard Maneuver against the USS Enterprise while under the control of a thought maker deployed by DaiMon Bok.

The Picard Maneuver later became required reading at Starfleet Academy. (TNG: “The Battle”)

Have you ever realized that tactic is tic-tac backwards? By jove… amazing!

And yes, I do laugh at your description of the maneuver.

I promise I’ll stop posting now.

Oh, so you prefer the little ‘maneuver’ that they teach at the Academy, huh? Well, let me tell you something: the important stuff, they don’t teach you that at the Academy. Right here, this is the stuff that just might keep you alive.

Ok. Officially committed to memory. Next time I come across a Ferengi, I shall use this method, and I am sure the Ferengi will be put off whatever nasty scheme is in his head.

Or at the very least, you won’t look like a dope when you stand up and say “On screen”.

Actually, I knew of your “maneuver”... If you didn’t know of this one... does that mean I win?

Oh wow! Yes, you have certainly beat me in Geekdom. Right-ho! Good job. I hand you the crown!

And I want to read that book…

Oh my.. why did you show me this blog? Now I must obsessively read it. subscribes

He sort of looks like Q…. Beverly! Do you have something to tell us?

Oops. Sorry about that.

Seriously though, Wil Whedon’s blog is so very excellent, there’s no reason not to read it. He’s a wonderful writer—very witty. So if obsessive fannishness drives you to subscribe, you’ll at least have a cover story.

I can’t keep up with you. Is this some sort of Star Trek related frenzy?

I blame lackadaisy. She started up my obsession last year and now I can’t break free.

An omnipotent Wesley is something I don’t want to even think about.

Wait, really? Have you only just found this obsession?

I’m kind of jealous.

If say a year is, then yes (and I say so as well). But I had watched the show when I was young and it was still on. And to make up for lost time, I have the first three seasons. Still, it is not enough.

(Data was one of my first crushes..)

Ah, I see. Then we’ve been though something similar, except that I was I bit older than you, and remembered a bit more when I went back to it a few years ago. I actually used to watch the series with my parents when it was brand new and I was four or so; I remember getting really upset when Tasha Yar died.

“A actually used to watch the series with my parents when it was brand new and I was four or so”

Yes, quite the same with me. The parents were down in the basement, and I would go down and sit next to them. I felt so grown up!

But I wasn’t old enough to remember the details.

Tasha Yar… ohh, I really love her. The Naked Now! Myyy, she was yare!

It makes it all the more criminal that the newer Star Treks are lame; I’m sorry kids aren’t still watching Star Trek with their parents, getting a little rush of idealism for the future, and just generally feeling grown up.

For what it’s worth, I may have had a little crush on the android, too. ;)

Also, I think I need to point out that the Naked Now is probably my vote for the absolute low point of that series, and also my point of reference for determining that an omnipotent Wesley would be the most annoying thing even concievable. :P

You fool! I love that episode! :D

And I think the lowest point is the episode with Q and Robin Hood..

Oh wait. I think I conveniently forgot about that.

Good job. It’s painful.

Now I’m watching Star Trek. Haven.

Sister says “This episode is distracting me from my Tetris game!”

Ohhhh Jesus.