Maria Bamford

“My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time…”

“Sometimes I still get home sick, and that’s when I like to put on my Led Zeppelin CD, plug in my curling iron…and just get full on…off the wall…pretty.”

“I actually thought about getting breast implants, because I’m a radical militant feminist…and a hypocrite as it turns out.”

“Sometimes I get kind of a bad attitude at work, stop being a team player…forget why I started temping in the first place, which was to make a difference.”

“I had a temp job. It was so exciting! I never knew what to expect. I didn’t know if I was gonna TYPE somethin’....... or FILE somethin’...... or FILE SOMETHING I JUST TYPED !”

“I do wana get married! It just sounds great! You get to go grocery shopping together! And rent videos! And the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging underneath the cozy covers! Mmmmmmmm! Sometimes I worry that I don’t wanna get married as much as I’d like to be dipped…in a vat…of warm….rising…bread dough.”

“Keep reaching for the stars because they’re the only people that can help you.”