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All hail the king/queen of animal fats. Let’s face it, this future-shaped food has everything: it’s white, it comes from underneath a cow’s skin, and your chips taste great fried in it.
Outside of the kitchen, it has a million and one uses: it looks lovely as a hair dressing, it can be used to effectively eradicate acne and has been proven to substantially reduce the appearance and flappiness of haemorrhoids.
Recent tests amongst men have also shown that it can be used to dramatically increase nipple size and sensitivity (but in a good way).
Buy some lard tomorrow (or today, if at all possible).
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Lard doesn't come from cows, tallow comes from cows! Lard come from pigs!