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1. Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack.All his friends didn't know how to break the news to his wife, finally Johnny said: 'I can be diplomatic about it and break the news gently!'.Johnny rang the bell at Tim's house, and when his wife answered the door, he calmly said to her: 'Tim just gambled with us and lost 1,000 dollars!' When Tim's wife heard this she said: 'Tell him to just drop dead!' Johnny answered: 'That's exactly what he did!'.

2. Mini Meanie: -

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.

3. Tight Skirt, Bus Stop: -

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!" Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

4. The other side: -

A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side? And after a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back You ARE on the other side!

5. A Problem of Problems: -

A young couple decided to wed.

As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive.

Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

Father, he said, I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.

His father replied, Don't you love this girl?

Oh yes, very much, he said, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.

No problem, said dad, all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.

Mom, she said, When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.

Honey, her mother consoled, everyone has bad breath in the morning.

No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.

Her mother said simply, Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth.

I shouldn't say good morning or anything? the daughter asked.

Not a word, her mother affirmed.

Well, it's certainly worth a try, she thought.

The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well.

That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off.

Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, What on earth are you doing?

Oh, my, he replies, you've swallowed my sock!


6. Computer Users: -

Computer users are divided into three types:

Novice, Intermediate and Expert.

Novice Users - People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

Intermediate Users - People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

Expert Users - People who press the keys that break other people's computers.

7. Naming choice:-

There was a lady and she had 3 children and one day 1 went up 2 her and said mummy why is my name rose, the lady answers 'because i dropped a rose petal on u when u were born the next child says 'why am i called daisy , the lady answers because i dropped a daisy on u when u were born , her next child says 'asjkct7buitof75hj' the lady says shut up fridge.


8. TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR FALLING ASLEEP AT YOUR DESK

1 "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2 "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
3 "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
4 "Amen"
5 "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
6 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
7 "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
8 "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
9 "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
10 "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."


9. Talking Italian: -

A bus stop and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma comes first. I come. Dennis comes and Dennis comes again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''


10. 3 Proud Parents: -

3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.

The first man says, "My son has been doing so successful as a lawyer he got a mansion and shares it with his friend."

The second mans says, "My son has been so successful as a doctor that he bought a converatable and a private jet for his friend."

The third man says, "Well, my son hasn't been so "successful". In fact, I just learned he was gay and I've accepted that fact. I guess he must be doing good though because he lives in a mansion with his friend and owns a private jet and a convertable."