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Having a sense of humor (or pretending to) is a great way to break the ice with strangers, get on your boss' good side, or get the attention of a member of the opposite sex.
Be my guest, add a joke or two...
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Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."
She handed him the package and asked if he knew how to wear one.
He honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned him to make sure it was on tight and secure. He still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking his hand, she led him into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.
Well, he was so dumb-struck that all he could do was nod his head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As he was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So he climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, he could no longer hold back and KAPOW, he was done within a few minutes. put that condom on?' she asked.
He said, 'I sure did,' and held up his thumb to show her.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years.
Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
(the wife hissed, spitting out her gag), "Dear," "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"** hehehehkkk <= )