Amy and Amiability

(Baldrick is plucking a goose. Blackadder is sitting at the kitchen table.)

Edmund: Oh God! Bills, bills, bills. One is born, one runs up bills, one dies! And what have I got to show for it? Nothing. A butler’s uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo! Honestly Baldrick, I sometimes feel like a pelican – whichever way I turn, I’ve still got an enormous bill in front of me. Pass the biscuit barrel. (Baldrick does so) Let’s see what’s in the kitty shall we? (shakes out a few coins) Ninepence! Oh God, what are we going to do?

Baldrick: Don’t worry Mr B., I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.

Edmund: Yes Baldrick, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.

Baldrick: But this is a really good one. You become a dashing highwayman, then you can pay all your bills and, on top of that, everyone’ll want to sleep with you.

Edmund: Baldrick, I could become a prostitute and pay my bills, then everyone would want to sleep with me – but I do consider certain professions beneath me. But besides which, I fail to see why a common thief should be idolised, just because he has a horse between his legs.